Beware of grandmothers with glue sticks

Quote from writer/educator Donald Graves: “Too much of my life is spent in routine activities: get up, shave, dress, stagger down for my cup of coffee, write, eat, write some more, pile up my correspondence and teaching necessities in my canvas LLBean bag, drive unseeing to work, wonder about where I might be lucky enough to find a parking spot, walk into the office to check phone calls and correspondence . . . If someone were to ask me to write about my day at this point I would be forced to say, “There hasn’t been anything new to it yet, no whys, just a kind of survival, like wading through a marsh. Sometimes I have a whole day like that, or a string of days with the edges of living knocked off. If someone were to suggest that I write about those days, I might have two reactions: nothing happened so why bother or it was too painful to revisit: “I’d just as soon forget it.”

Donald Graves Discover your own literacy, The Reading/Writing Teacher’s CompanionHeinemann)

Boy, ain’t that the truth. Some days are so annoying they can block you up for an entire week! Take last Tuesday (please) when I checked into my flight with my lip gloss NOT in a plastic bag.
“But it is here in my hand, you can see it.”
“Has to be in a plastic bag.”
Some traveling Good Samaritan donated a plastic bag to my efforts to get through security, but I had to go out and around and through security a second time, lip gloss secure in a handibag. Only this time the vigilant screener found a glue stick in my rolling briefcase that she had missed the first time, thereby subjecting me to a wanding and total swipe down of all my goods for traces of explosives.

In fact all traces of explosives were inside of me at that point and about to detinate, but I held the fireworks securly behind pursed lips. I was about to miss my flight having been tagged guilty of suspicious activity.

Be it known here, Cleveland Hopkins Airport has a zero tolerance policy for grandmothers carrying glue sticks.

Now, don’t you feel safer?

More from Graves: “But literate people don’t want to forget anything; pain, sadness, joy, anger. They want to tell stories about these experiences to themselves and to friends, to write about them in a diary, a journal, or a short essay. Writing allows us to look at an experience from two angles: at the moment it occurs and and the moment we write about it.”

Yeah. Well. Maybe. But just thinking about it now, three days still tweaks my latent explosive tendencies. However, now that I have told the story, maybe maybe I’ll be able to see it from a different angle.

2 responses to “Beware of grandmothers with glue sticks”

  1. Steve Philp says:

    And to put a cherry on top, it’s our “freedom” that the evildoers hate. If only they knew…

    Gluesticks and lip gloss. Crazy. Be glad you didn’t write anything on the bag!

  2. Thanks for the link! This whole airport security thing is so ludicrous, but when you are in the middle of it, no one can speak because these gatekeepers hold the keys to your trip. Once through with it, we mostly want to forget the experience. Arugh.

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